One Month

It has been one month today since our house fire. One long, hellish month.  Full of loss, tears, frustration, exhaustion, humility, generosity, and love.   A month of days that we sometimes didn't know how we would make it through.  But we are here, and we have made it.  One month behind us and hopefully one month closer to our forever home.

MJ and I have had a really rough day today.  So many emotions swirling.  So many thoughts racing through our brains.  So many new realities to adjust to.  We are tired, worn out, and missing what used to be.  We are thankful, blessed, and humbled.  And sometimes we don't know what we are, but that is OK.  We are navigating this together and it is a good thing we have each other.

Some thoughts on this one month anniversary:

*We continue to be humbled by the generosity of others.  There is no way that we would have made it through the last month without our family, friends, colleagues, local businesses and perfect strangers.  So many people have shown us so much love and support that they have carried us through the darkest days of our lives.  We would not be where we are without all of the love and support.

*We were happy to hear today that ServPro has finished cleaning, drying, and taking the smell out of the few things we salvaged.  We will have the stuff on Wednesday.  That means we will have some of our Christmas stuff.  Having that will be good for our souls.

*We haven't been back to the house in almost 2 weeks.  We need to go back soon as Drew wants his shovel and snowboard that were in the shed.  We need to get it for him before the snow gets too deep and we can't get to the backyard anymore.

*I get so tired of comments from people who have no idea what we are going through.  MJ took an insurance check to the bank the other day and the teller made a smart remark about how nice a check like that must be.  Yeah, real nice - only had to lose everything in the blink of an eye to win that lottery.  We go shopping to replace items and the cashiers make comments about how nice it must be to get so much Christmas shopping done or how nice it will be to have all this new stuff.  No thanks, I would rather just have my old stuff and not need to be dealing with this.  I know that these people are just being friendly and whatnot and they don't have any idea, but it makes you think before you make a comment about something that we really don't know what cross someone else is bearing in their day to day life.

*I miss my stuff.  I call bullshit on the statement that stuff can be replaced.  I don't want to replace it.  I don't want to have to shop for EVERYTHING.  No, it isn't nice to have everything new. It is just a constant reminder of what has happened. I want my old stuff - in my house, and I can't have it.  It sucks......big time.

*We are not as strong as we may appear to be.....everyone is so impressed with how well we are doing.  Well, we are good at keeping it together when we are out and about.  The reality is that we are done playing this game.....we don't want to play this game....we want to take our toys and go home.  And we can't.....and it hurts every single minute of every single day.   We have a great support system and for that we are very thankful, but it still is so very tough.

*We know that we will come through this OK on the other side, but the other side is still really far away.  The light at the end of the tunnel still seems nonexistent.  But we will keep plugging along and working to find our new normal.  We will make it through this together because really, there is no other way.

*Our boys are our heart and soul.  They are amazing, they are LOVE, they are magical.  They are what keeps us going.  We need them just as much as they need us.

So, there you have it......one month down......

We can do this..........................................

News Articles

News articles that were posted about our fire:

Foster's Daily Democrat News Article

WMUR TV News

Strange Things....

Every time we have gone into the house we find or notice something strange about the way things did or didn't burn. In a weird sort of way it is kind of fascinating.  For instance - the toilet paper in the cabinet in the downstairs bathroom did not burn.  The oxygen must have been sucked out of the cabinet much like it did our coat closet in the middle of the house.  An entire closet of coats and things not burned yet everything around it was burned to ashes.  Of course everything in the closet was full of soot and smelled so incredibly bad, but it wasn't burned.  I am sure there would have been quite a backdraft had that closet been opened.

Some picture examples....

This case of water was sitting on the kitchen counter.  All of the tops are blown off, but it still sits as an entire case.

We found the recipe box half burned with a jar of decorating sprinkles melted to the side.  The sprinkles were 2 shelves above the box in the cupboard so how they melted together is a mystery.

Apparently sidewalk chalk does not burn.  When I was digging for change from the boys piggy banks I kept coming across pieces of sidewalk chalk.  The case that they were in burned, the bookshelf that they were on burned, but here is the chalk in its entirety.

Our freezer - the door actually split in half - the half with the shelves on it stayed in the freezer and the rest of the door opened out.  Strange.....

You also can tell really cheap furniture from more quality pieces.  We had two dressers in our room.  Mary Jo's was an old one that was well made.  While it is burned, there is still parts of it standing.  Mine on the other hand (which was cheap) has absolutely nothing left.  

All very strange, yet kind of interesting.

Facebook Update #11

We haven't done an update in a while, but there is still a lot going on.... We went back to work last Monday and though it was only for 2 days it was good to get back into the routine. It was also great to see our colleagues and the kids. So many kids gave so many hugs and so many sweet "I'm sorry about your house" condolences. They really are amazing little souls.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and we hosted at our rental place just because we could! We borrowed some pie plates and pots and pans and serving bowls, didn't have some of the utensils and dishes that we needed, but had a perfectly wonderful day with family. It was a year to remember what we are truly thankful for and to realize how blessed we truly are.

The kids are doing amazingly well. We have been settled here for just shy of two weeks and they are adjusting wonderfully. Drew has been in a spectacular mood and has had basically zero meltdowns for a few days now. Jack has settled into a great napping and sleeping routine. Both boys are eating much better. Tonight we had everyone fed, bathed, in bed, and asleep before 8 - that hasn't happened in almost a month.

We went out today and bought a new Christmas tree and ornaments. Even though a bunch of our Christmas stuff was salvageable, we don't have it - Servpro does. I wanted so badly to just go into the basement and pull all of our bins of Christmas stuff out and decorate, but we can't. Instead we spend half of the day spending more money to replace it all. It can be so maddening at times. We had such a great time setting up the tree and decorating though. It was just the therapy we all needed.

In other news, I found a used car this weekend - an 05 Chevy Trailblazer. Problem is that we are waiting for an insurance check so we can pay for it. Once again, everything is a process. So, I will borrow a car from some generous friends this week as I have a 3 day conference in Manchester.

My parents took the kids overnight on Friday night and we were able to so some shopping and replace some more things. We went to Salmon Falls Stoneware and got some nice pieces, replaced our ipads (I was dying without any technolgy  ) and bought some new kitchen gadgets and pots and pans. It was a nice night out together.

We are plugging along, slowly replacing some things that are important to us and finding a new normal for now.

Things I Miss....A lot....

Some of the things I really miss......
Our rocking chair for rocking our babies to sleep
 My recliner
 Kitchen Gadgets
 Ipad/Chromebook (the Tech Teacher lost all of her tech gadgets...how ironic) 
Pictures
 The Magnets from the fridge
 The rocking chair (I know I already said this - but man I miss it)
 A large capacity washer
 The fruit bowl
 The catch all basket on the island
 Drew's nightlight
 The wall art in Jack's Room
The kids' piggy banks from their Aunt and Uncle
 Picture Frames that people gave us when the babies were born
Our home
 ................................................

Facebook Update #10

We are settling into the rental house pretty well. It is nice to have a place to call our own for the time being and it is great for everyone to have some space. We have had a few hiccups but nothing too bad. The landlord is sending someone over tomorrow to fix a few things and we are still waiting on a dryer as they can't hook up the gas one. We will get an electric one on Tuesday (luckily there is a Laundromat about 500 yards from the house). We spent the day again yesterday at the house and we completely cleaned out the basement with the help of Servpro. We filled an entire 30 foot monstrous dumpster, but it is done. The amount of water in things and the amount of mold that was starting to grow was incredible. We salvaged a few tools, but otherwise the rest was just a matter of hauling it to the dumpster. I went into the house where the kids piggy banks were and dug through the rubble to see if I could find some of the change knowing that it wouldn't have burned. I was able to find about $20 worth of change (only about 1/4 of what was probably in the banks, but it was something.) Our next daunting task is itemizing. We found out yesterday that we have to itemize the upstairs. I can't even begin to think about how long the list is going to be. Never mind trying to remember everything that was in the house. Our insurance adjuster has been great and he has given us some ideas to help (first was to get a bottle of wine!) and he is also willing to help us do it. Bedtime with the boys is getting much easier though we so miss having our wonderful rocking chair. Drew has been sleeping all night without a problem and Jack is back to only one wake up which is his normal. We still have trouble getting a good night's sleep as there is just so much racing through our brains. It is nice to have our cat Gus back with us and he was spoiled rotten by my brother for the last two weeks! He is prancing all over the place as we speak and making himself right at home. The boys are very excited to have him back and they have been chasing him all over. We go back to work on Monday but only have to work for 2 days and then have the rest of the week off for Thanksgiving. A little bit of normalcy is beginning to reenter our lives. We are plugging along and continuing our motto of baby steps. I don't know how many times a day I think or say, "We'll get there..." We will, eventually, it just might take longer than we would like!

Facebook Update #9

Tomorrow we move into our rental. We were given the keys on Sunday so we have made a couple of trips over there with things we have bought for the house. The boys have loved running all around in the empty space. Tomorrow it will be filled with furniture thanks to the insurance company! We plan to sleep there tomorrow night. Drew is excited to make chocolate chip cookies and eat pizza and ice cream. We are excited to hopefully get back to a little more normal routine. The fire cause and origin guy from our insurance company visited the house yesterday for a long time. He does not believe that the extension cord started the fire like the fire department said. As a matter of fact he is pretty positive that it was NOT that at all. He is also positive that it was not anything to do with the power feed coming into the house. Beyond that he says that things just don't add up and he isn't sure what caused it. So the official word is "undetermined cause" - I'm not sure what I think about that. It doesn't give any closure to the whole thing. Drew is having a bit of a tough time. He just isn't sure where he belongs right now. I get it... He needs a space to call his own and he needs to know that he has a place to call home. He just sobbed again tonight. I feel so bad for him. He has woken up the past few mornings complaining that his teeth hurt. He must be clenching and grinding at night. The past couple of days all I keep thinking is that I just want to go home. But the reality is that I can' t go home. I want my rocking chair to rock my baby to sleep, I want to snuggle with Drew in his bed and read books, I want my coffee pot, and I can't have any of it. This is just the worst nightmare and you just don't wake up from it. I am hoping that having our own place will make a big difference. We need to find our new normal as we work through this mess.

Facebook Update #8

Yesterday was a decent day. We worked with Servpro and the guys who came to the house were amazing. The perfect amount of sympathy and comic relief to make a tough job a bit easier! The best part is that we were able to salvage about a dozen bins of stuff - that was a huge blessing. We salvaged our Christmas stuff, a few other holiday decorations, snowshoes (3 pair!), and a few camping supplies! Yesterday afternoon I went to pick up the boys at the babysitter and could not figure out how to get there. I turned around three different times and then finally pulled over and gathered my thoughts to figure out where to go. It was so maddening to not be able to collect my thoughts enough to pick up my kids. Just shows how full our brains are right now. Today we spent the day with the kids and did a lot of phone call work that needed to be done. PSNH and Dish are all set for the rental. We ordered a new crib for Jack, a modem for Internet and a few other things we will need for the rental. I had a bit of a meltdown today when I was trying to take care of paperwork needed to get the money for my totaled car. I didn't have the info needed because it burned, paperwork needed to get the title will take a week or so, etc. Everything is such a process. I went for dinner and drinks with a couple of work friends today and it was wonderful. For a couple of hours I could pretend that there was a bit of normalcy in my life. Definitely good for the soul. We should get the keys for the rental by the end of the weekend. Drew has Tumble Time tomorrow and a birthday party to go to Sunday. The boys had an awesome day today, the Mamas are utterly exhausted. Baby steps....

Facebook Update #7

We have tried for 2 days to salvage some things from the basement. We end up being very unproductive and just stand and stare. I swear the weight of it all is heavier and heavier every time we go over. Emotionally, physically and mentally we just can't bring ourselves to do it. So, tomorrow we have a crew from Servpro coming to help us figure out what to do. They will decide what can be salvaged and we can decide what we want them to take and clean/dry out for us. It won't be much, but we need the help and met with a wonderful person today who was very helpful. I cleaned out my car today and they will come to pick it up tomorrow. We filled out paperwork for the rental and for the insurance company to take care of the rental. The problem is that everything is a chore. They sent us the files via email....well we don't have a printer or computer - we ended up going in to school to take care of it. Everything is a process - we needed to fax forms later to the insurance company and had to go to Staples to do it. Then they tried to take our deposit and our debit card was declined because we have a limit on it and didn't even think of that. Of course it was after hours and we can't call the bank until the morning. Nothing is easy. The boys had a really good day and a good night and went to bed relatively easily. At least that went our way today. It was nice to stop into work and get some nice hugs from so many who care about us. We really do work with an absolutely amazing group of people.

Facebook Update #6

The best part of today is that we found a place to live. It is in Wakefield and will add 15 min each way to our commute, but the place is nice and we can have our cat and we can haul Drew's swing set over. As of right now we can move in on Tuesday. The insurance company will have trucks show up with everything we need including furniture, kitchen necessities, washer and drier, vacuum cleaner, 2 TVs and more. One hurdle cleared for now! The bad part of today is that we found out that my car it totaled. So now in addition to the five million things we already have to do, we also have to shop for a car. Like we have the time or energy to do that right now..... Drew and Jack went back to daycare today and had a fun day. Drew had an absolute screaming meltdown tonight. I think it is really hitting him. Poor baby just loves to be home and putter and do his thing and he can't. My heart just aches for him. I took pictures of the swing set today to show him that "not one drop of fire got on it." We worked in the basement a little bit and realized that we needed some bins to take things out in and also that we should call Serve Pro before we wasted a lot of time. So they are coming tomorrow to talk to us about what they may be able to do to take the smell out of a couple of things. Then we will really work.....we are going to take all of our tools out and see if they dry out then they will be usable. I think our Christmas Decorations are Ok. We may be able to salvage a few of our rubber stamp sets. Other than that it is all a loss. We both had a hard time leaving the driveway this afternoon. As MJ said, "It is just so hard to let go." It is worse every time we go over there. I think because you realize more and more the sheer magnitude of what has happened. It is hard to believe that less than week ago we were having a blast with the boys on the watersides, eating ice cream, and getting ready to celebrate Drew's birthday. It is really sobering to realize how quickly everything was gone. In the blink of an eye....

Totaled

And the news of today is that my car is totaled as well.  The front end and roof racks melted and the windshield cracked from stuff falling on it as well as the heat of the fire.  Next thing we have to deal with that we don't have time for!  Of course, getting the insurance money is going to be a process as we need the Title and of course the title burned in the fire.  I wish something would just be easy.  So, now in addition to everything else we need to do, I have to go car shopping.  Blahhhhh...

Tarped and Boarded

We went to the house today and it has been tarped and boarded up.  I'm not really sure why they put the tarp over - it's not going to keep the snow out or anything - it is already ripping over the dormers, there is a hole flapping in the corner, etc.  I guess at least we don't have to look at as much burned house when we go by.  They are just going to tear the house down anyways, so I am not sure what the point of this is....

Facebook Update #5

This sucks.....we woke up on Sunday morning and both realized that we didn't even really remember Drew's birthday party. It is so frustrating and maddening. We went by the house on Sunday to pick up the mail and newspaper and they have boarded up all of the windows and doors and put a giant tarp over the top of it. We just stood there in our backyard and stared and were in disbelief all over again. This is something that happens on the news.....not something that happens to us..... We met a friend for a quick lunch on Sunday afternoon and it was good for the soul to just chat and have a sandwich - to do something that was a little bit normal even if for only a moment. Sunday was the first day that we actually ate three decent meals and that helped a bit physically. We also went shopping for clothes for ourselves. It wasn't even fun.... Today we took the day to just spend with the boys. We hung around and played this morning and then we went to McDonalds for lunch and to play for a bit at Twice the Fun. Hearing Drew's laugh and just being able to spend some silly time with him was good for the soul. We needed to just be with the boys and not be focused on everything that needs to be done right now. We have a lead on a rental house and we drove by today. It is in Wakefield and would add 15 minutes to our commute, but it is big and nice and would be a fine place for the interim. We will hopefully see the inside tomorrow. We have a lovely lady working for us through our insurance company who found it for us. If we decide that we like it, we just call her and she will have it furnished for us within 48 hours right down to dishes and pots and pans. This way we don't have to make any quick decisions or purchases. So, we could be in a place in the next week to 10 days. Tomorrow we face the daunting task of going to the house to see if we can salvage anything in the basement. We are dreading it. We really don't think there will be, but we have to at least say we tried. We are waiting to see if my melted car can be fixed or not as well. We keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare and unfortunately it isn't going to happen anytime soon.

Facebook Update #4

Drew was surrounded by so much love today as we celebrated his birthday and had his party. When we asked him if he had fun he said, "It was a fun birthday, but not my best birthday because I couldn't have my party at my house." We promised him that next year he could have a party at his brand new house. He also asked about Max (our cat) today. When we told him that we lost Max in the fire and that he went to Heaven Drew said, "I bet he is bald in Heaven because he burned.....but I bet God put water on him to stop the fire." Out of the mouths of babes..... Jack has been more fussy and unsettled. While he has no concept of what has happened, he knows that he is not in his house and he is starting to have a tough time. MJ and I are just surviving moment by moment. Every task takes twice as long as it should. We find that even trying to retrieve words to speak a full sentence can be difficult. We need to go and get ourselves some clothes but we don't even have the energy to do it....plus we want to make sure the boys are all set before we do stuff for us. This week we have the daunting task of going over to the house to see if there might possibly be some salvageable things in the basement that was in bins. We are doubtful, but we will try. There was no fire in the basement but the amount of water that ended up down there was substantial. Through it all, the generosity of people continues to amaze us. We were in Target today and Drew told the cashier that our house had a fire. As I was getting ready to pay, she reached into her pocket and handed me a $20 bill. I lost it.... I just keep telling myself that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.....but it is a ridiculously long tunnel and sometimes it seems like we will never see that light... Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers. We need and appreciate each and every one of them.

Facebook Update #3

Today's update will be short......we are exhausted, we are sad, we are overwhelmed....that about sums it up...

The Angels Arrived

We have had many many angels arrive in the past 2 days.Angels who gave us cash and gift cards, angels who replaced books and toys and train tracks for the boys, angels who sent texts, messages, cards, prayers. The outpouring of love and support that has been given to our family is beyond what we ever thought or knew was humanly possible. We have had to humbly learn how to ask for and accept help from everyone around us.  We are so very blessed.

Reality Hits

Today we went to the house to meet with the insurance adjusters.  There are two different adjusters working on our claim.  One that will handle the structure loss and one that will handle the contents loss.  They were both wonderful and helpful.  The good news is that we have plenty of coverage for our loss.  You never buy house insurance thinking you are going to need it for something like this and then the reality is that you do.  They adjusters told us that "You don't have the Mercedes of policies, but you do have the Cadillac."  When we heard that we felt a little bit of relief knowing that we will be able to replace and rebuild.

The stark reality hit when they told us we could go in the house.

Our Kitchen table:

Pantry closet and laundry/downstairs bathroom:

 Drew's bedroom:

 Jack's Bedroom

 Our bedroom:

 Looking down the stairs from the upstairs hallway:

Our living room:

We just stood and stared in horror.

We were on a mission to find MJ's dad's wedding band.  We went up to our bedroom where we knew it was in a box in top of a dresser.  We dug and dug through the rubble and actually found the box that it was in.  We pried open the box and found lots of melted/charred jewelry. In that box was the ring - full of soot, but otherwise fine.  A definite bright spot on such a dark day.  It was amazing that we found other melted jewelry and this was just fine....

The weight of what happened was really felt today.....

Thankful

24hours ago our world was turned upside down.....but despite it all there is still so much to be thankful for. Day 6: Today I am thankful for a new day...as I lay here replaying yesterday over and over again, the sun rises on a new day. I have my kids, my partner, and my family and friends. That really is all that matters.

Facebook update #2

Update for today.....It was rough, the weight of what has happened is settling in. Drew had a meltdown this morning because his Crocs were wet and he wanted to go outside and he had no boots to wear. He keeps asking us about various things of his: "Did my ______ burn in the fire?" It is heartbreaking to have to keep telling him that yes everything burned in the fire. He is talking about it a lot though which is great. Jack, thankfully, does not really understand or know ...what is going on. We spent a lot of time at the house today and we were allowed to go inside. I can't even describe the feeling......everything we own is down to a pile of charred rubble. You can look up and see the sky. The kitchen cabinets literally burned off the wall. Miraculously we were able to find MJ's Dad's wedding band.....we dug and dug through the debris with our hands where the dresser with a jewelry box was and though we found no other jewelry, that ring was intact and once cleaned will be just fine. It has been an extremely humbling experience to have to ask for and accept help from the community. The outpouring of support has been completely overwhelming. We have felt more love and support than we ever knew was humanly possible. So, as we try to get some rest tonight, please know that we cherish each and every thought, hug, prayer, and message. We are truly blessed and are so thankful for each and every person who has reached out to our family. From the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU!

Update #1

Our Facebook post from the evening of Nov 5th.

Friends and family.....we don't even know where to start.....thank you all for the outpouring of love and support today. We are truly humbled and blessed by each and everyone of you. Here is what we have for an update: We took the day off today and surprised Drew last night with a trip to the "froggy water slide" in North Conway. At 5:58 this morning our neighbor called 911 to report our house on fire. By 6:15 the house was completely engulfed in flames. Crews responded ...from about 8 different towns and a second alarm was called just before 7. The fire started outside where we have some lights that run on timers in the evening (they would not have been on at this time). It was not started by Halloween decorations as some news outlets have reported - there were no holiday decorations plugged in at that spot. We have lost absolutely everything including one of our cats. The silver lining is that because we were away we have 2 outfits and a set of PJ's. Had we been home we probably would have only had our pajamas on. Many people have asked how they can help....we will be completely honest and let you all know that what we would most appreciate right now are gift cards (Kohls, JCPenney, Bootleggers, WalMart, Toys rUs) so we can replace what we want to when we want to. Kohl's in Rochester and Bootleggers have generously offered 30% off whatever we need. There has also been a fund set up at Holy Rosary Credit Union for us (Feyler/Snyder Fire Fund). We are taking everything moment by moment and we will get through this together. Thanks again to everyone. All of the calls, texts, messages, etc have meant the world to us.

It's All Gone

We headed home and met my parents to have them take the kids so we could go to the house and meet with the Police and Fire Department. This is what we saw as we walked down the driveway:

 

In a matter of moments our home and memories and stuff were gone.  Burned.  Ashes.  Gone.  It was utterly breathtaking and absolutely unbelievable.  There was not a window left in the house.  As you can see from the picture below you could see right through the entire house.  This is taken from the back of the house through to the front.  It was absolutely horrifying.  Your worst nightmare coming true and you aren't going to wake up from it.

 



 

We found out from talking to the Fire and Police that fire trucks from about 8 different communities responded to the fire and a second alarm was called about a half hour after they arrived.  From the time our neighbors called 911 to the time our volunteer fire department arrived 12 minutes later, our house was completely engulfed in flames. 

In the Blink of an Eye

After tons of fun the night before and a restful night's sleep, I rolled over in my hotel bed which I was sharing with my birthday boy and I pressed the button on my phone to check the time.  Staring back at me was this message:  "Please tell me you are not home.  Your house is on fire BAD!"  I must have read it 10 times before I even processed it and called out to MJ.  Instant panic and fear set in.  We tried calling the neighbors and could not get ahold of them.  I called county dispatch and they indeed confirmed that our house was burning.  I can't even describe the terror we felt in the next moments.

I called my parents and they said they would head to our house to see what was going on.  Meanwhile, a Police Officer got in touch with me and let me know that it was very bad - that we basically lost everything.  In that moment I told him that our birthday boy was still sleeping and when he woke up we were going to let him open his present we had brought along, we were going to put candles in his chocolate donuts (a birthday tradition we have) sing happy birthday to him and then we would be on our way home (an hour away).  There was nothing we could do anyways and our kids come first.  So, we mustered all the strength we had to sing to our sweet boy and let him enjoy his donuts and then told him what had happened and that we would need to go home.

Here he is in his birthday boy glory!

Quite ironic that his Birthday Boy shirt had a fire truck on it........

The Day Before

On November 4th, MJ and I stopped at home and dropped off my car, stopped and voted, and went to pick up the boys.  We then headed North to surprise Drew with a trip to the "froggy waterslide" (a hotel with a small waterpark) to celebrate his 4th birthday the next day.  We had taken the day off and he was so excited to play and swim and open presents the next day.  He and Jack had an absolute blast together that evening.

Little did we know that just a few short hours later our world would be turned completely upside down.....